Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
