does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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