you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
