i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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