first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
