dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
