you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
