So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize