I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
