i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
