party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
