i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
