My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
