I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
