I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Sober January is a disaster.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
