I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
