The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize