I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
