That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
