Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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