Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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