I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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