Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
