Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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