He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
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