The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
