and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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