i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
how drunk are you?
Several
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
