I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
