Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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