I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
