i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
