90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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