Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
