Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
