wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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