farters have to be the big spoon...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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