It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I licked your asshole in confidence.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
