We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
