I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
