i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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