They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i think my cat just said my name.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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