Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
You smell like stripper and shame
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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