I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
