wakey wakey hands off snakey
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
