ugly people sure do ruin things
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
