What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
