dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
