Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize