I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
