You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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