Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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