Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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