is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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