It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
