The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
