It's Friday. Sex?
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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