I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Randomize
