it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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