You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
