Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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