bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
