I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I want to be your penis for a week.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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