Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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