3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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