i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
