My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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