planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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