this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
