her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I fill condoms, not promises.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize