so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
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