I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
