Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
